“That guy on the Strip overpass you can kick in the privates for $5 ... SpongeBob, Buzz Lightyear and Darth Vader hamming for photos and hustling for tips ... indoor gun ranges for shooting Berettas and Glocks ... outdoor race tracks for driving Ferraris and Porsches.”
“Uh, things Las Vegas already has in spades?”
DING!
Living in this desert basin spoils a person, what with the weather, entertainment, nightlife, day spas, good food, quick commutes and free parking (mostly). Not to mention a guy you can kick in the groin for $5.
But that’s why we moved here, right? To be spoiled. And happy. If we wanted to be unspoiled and unhappy, we would have stayed in Massachusetts or Michigan or any other state where they hand out ice scrapers and ear muffs when you register your car at the DMV.
Yup, Vegas is the bomb. But that doesn’t mean it’s impervious to expansion. Apropos of that, here are some ideas our city planners, industry magnates and miscellaneous movers and shakers should consider at their next masters-of-the-universe meeting:
n Six Flags Mount Charleston: Adventuredome at Circus Circus is awesome. It’s fun and clean and air conditioned. But it’s not, and not trying to be, Cedar Point, Six Flags Magic Mountain or even Walley World. Real roller coasters, the ones people throw up on, are meant to be thrown up on in the fresh air and sunshine. Even when the sunshine makes the fresh air feel like a hairdryer in your face? Well, duh, that’s why you build this off Route 95 in the northwest, out where the elevation is high and the temps are low. No smog, no heat, no problem.
n Bali Creek or Shadow Hai: Call it whatever; we need another golf course. Like now, because it’s been like forever since something new opened. Besides, inventory is dwindling: Silverstone closed, and if you believe what you read in the papers, Badlands is next. The average round on a public course here takes 4.5 hours; if demand keeps overpowering supply, you’ll soon have to tee off at dawn to finish by dusk.
n Pink Floyd “Echoes” by Cirque du Soleil: “The Beatles Love” is big and “Michael Jackson One” is huge, but Pink Floyd could be made into a monster. All in all it’s just another brick in the wall for Cirque, which is up to eight spectacles on the Strip. The Floyd is the perfect encore. You have the music, the lyrics, the imagery. Plus, the time. The show must go on at least 90 minutes, something the band’s library can easily accommodate. Think Pink lacks mainstream appeal? Think again. You don’t sell 250 million records being niche. Imagine the orchestra belting out “Comfortably Numb” as dudes bench press each other in slow motion. People will run like hell to see this. Don’t agree? Ha, ha. Charade you are.
Roger Snow is a senior vice president at Scientific Games.